Introduction!

I was borne at St. Michael's Hospital in Toronto, in 1953. My name is Angel. The first five years of my life were spent in Cabbagetown, a community in the downtown section of Toronto. At that time it was one of the largest slums
in our country

We were poor. My Dad lived in a group home for boy's, {Clifton House}, before marrying Mom. He had to leave
home at a very early age, as my Grandfather was brutally abusive.

Mom also ran away from a very abusive Father. She was raised in Cornwall, Ontario, and a small city near the Quebec
Border.

My parents wanted a boy, and when I was borne, they were very disappointed. No matter how I tried, I just didn't fit in.
The first few years of my life they tried to hide their disappointment, but I could feel it, and was constantly asking
them, why they didn't love me. Of course they denied it, but after Keith, my brother was borne, in 1956, Mom began
to say things to me, and treat me in ways, that showed me I was right. She hurt me from my head to my heart and
soul. I also have two sisters, Sherry and Christine, whom were again treated with much more love.

Living in Cabbagetown, wasn't the greatest introduction to the world, but the people there knew how to care for one
another. The community was tight knit, as we had nothing but each other. We lived with love, determination and
willpower, as we had only enough cash to barley survive, sometimes.

When I was five, we moved to Whitby, Ontario, and a small town just east of Toronto. I didn't want to go. I remember
my heart breaking, when Mom and Dad took us to show us our new home. Nice house, but something felt strange to
me. It didn't feel like home. Somehow the love seemed to die when we moved.

I didn't think the same as my new neighbors, and I made very few friends. Most people made fun of me because I'd
talk about things like honest and love. It seemed to me that Whitby lacked love. The neighbors even mounted a
petition to remove a new black family from the neighborhood. They had done nothing wrong. The ones I
approached for friendship, in Whitby, would laugh at me, tease me, and play nasty pranks on me. I was very trusting,
and these people would use my trusting nature against me. Sometimes the pain from this degradation made me feel
like I wanted to die.

I didn't really want to die, I figured dying was the only way to end the awful pain I lived with every day. I endured
many types of abuse. I found myself fighting daily just to stay alive, and the toughest thing to fight was myself.

I hated myself. Never truly being accepted by my family, or the people in town, left me painfully lonely. I was starved
for human companionship and acceptance. The pain was deep and malignant. Suicide became a regular game for me.
wanted to be with God, as I believed their pain would then end.

Each time I tried to kill myself, God stepped in. When I finally realized God would not let me die I became very
close to him. I would speak to God, instead of people. Everyone believed I was crazy. Even the priest at our Church
believed I was strange, as I would talk to God, as if he were in the room with me. To me he was and still is

Later I became a believer that each of us are lead through experiences, during our lives in order to learn, grown,
and honor our commitment to life's creative forces. Each time I was dragged through another abuse, I asked God
to show me the reason he wanted me to survive it. God was always there to help me find the jewels, at the bottom of
whatever hell pit, I was thrown into. He also provided a ladder to climb back out again.

In doing so, I found that in order to find any true healing from abuse, we must:

first:

Find the Truth:

second:

Take Responsibility for our lives and ourselves

third:

Forgive our abusers and ourselves.

By Truth, I mean we must find our way, through a dishonest world, back to the truth in everything. Leaving all
hang-ups, and mis preconceptions, learned along the way behind. We must completely face ourselves as human beings.
We need to learn to see ourselves in totality, both good and evil, positive and negative, beauty and beast. When
we truly learn to know ourselves we will see clearly, that we are in equal portion of both.

It is our responsibility to learn to know ourselves, and the world we live in, so that we may learn how to harness and discipline both
traits. We must realize that even a broken promise is a lie, and that lies cause great psychic/emotional damage. We
must become as honest as we were at birth. We come to realize that once we have left the abusive situation, we are
Completely responsible, for ourselves. In no way can we blame our abuse for what happens to us from that point. [our
abuse can only be referred to as to why we are in such an emotional or psychic mess}. We need to do our very best
to take control of all that happens to us for the remainder of our lives. It is up to us to stay out of abusive situations,
get proper therapy {spiritual, psychological, physical}, medical attention and education, as well as deal with the
emotional scars that have been caused by these traumas. We have to take total responsibility for ourselves and our
healing, in order not to become abusers ourselves.

Finally we must learn to forgive, our abusers, ourselves, and the world in which we live. Without forgiveness we will
repeat our abuses. It has been found that when we stay within resentment, we become the avenger. We hold onto the
pain from our abuse and lash out at others with it. Forgiveness alleviates much of the pain and that allows us to grow
and love. We can heal, learn to stop abusing and learn how to love. My belief is, if we learn to deal with the pains of
life properly, we learn to love and that love grows along with wisdom, as we shed our resentments.

If we allow ourselves to become resentful and refuse to learn, we have nothing left but hate. After all resentment is hate. Love is the true healer.

Forgiveness
The Real Reasons!

When we can stop blaming other people for our problems, take responsibility and realize that we are human, bound to make mistakes in life, we will learn to Forgive Ourselves!!! Thus opening the door to forgive others!!!

How many people do you know with what we refer to as chronic migraine headaches, or one of the many other unanswered sicknesses such as chronic fatigue syndrome. My family was filled with these diseases. Through learning and doing the things I was taught during my therapy and training sessions, I was finally able to completely rid myself of the headaches, and other ailments. I also was able to learn and comprehend that these headaches and more then half of the sicknesses we humans suffer from are primarily caused by ourselves holding resentment towards ourselves, and others.

There are quite a few doctors and healers that have come to this same conclusion. Dr. Joseph Murphy has several books on this subject. One of his books I use daily is entitled The Miracle Power of Infinite Riches. Within this book, is example after example where Dr. Murphy learned that his client was resentful, he taught them to forgive and the illness disappeared as my headaches did years ago. Our spiritual and religious leaders have known this on the Spiritual level for centuries. Christ talked about forgiveness a great deal.

Being raised in an unforgiving atmosphere, I was not taught what forgiveness truly was until I started studying with my first mentor in 1981. To this point I had suffered years with these horrid pains. I would wake up and go to sleep with this pounding of my brain. There were times I could not move, as the thunder would explode inside my head. All resentment built over the years of abuse and neglect.

Joan (my first mentor, and close friend) took one look at me and began to talk about forgiveness. Of course I believed I had forgiven all those whom had hurt me but I did not go deep enough to truly reach my goal. I had not let go of the pain nor had I forgiven myself. The resentment and guilt I had stored inside myself for so many years, was causing my headaches, chronic fatigue and fiber mialga in my muscles. Joan, made it very clear to me that if we are sincerely true to ourselves, love ourselves and always forgive we tend to be a great deal better in both the emotional and physical health department. It took a many hours of talking, thinking, learning and practicing of these lessons, for me to grasp the understanding and accept this as truth, so I did this work and the results are amazing. Of course this was almost twenty years ago and I have not suffered with any of these chronic sicknesses since.

To truly forgive we must first and foremost forgive ourselves as well as:

1. Realize that we must forgive in order to love.
Forgiveness is the key to love. When we do not forgive we build an emotional wall against love itself, therefore we are not capable of giving or receiving love.